"There must be some sort of design flaw in the Taser handles – or in our country, because this is not an isolated incident," said Colbert, citing experts who said this is not the first time such a deadly mistake was made and it won't be the last. "Why not? And why are we Tasering so many people?
"In fairness to the police, they're just using the only tools and trainings we give them," he added. "It's like the saying goes: if all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail. Also, maybe let's not give the police hammers?"
In a country with a s**t-ton of vaccine hesitancy, will pausing the J&J vaccine cause irreversible damage? pic.twitter.com/Gqt02zKjlz
"But on the other hand, it's six cases out of 7m doses. You realize that means you're more likely to get struck by lightning 10 times?"
The chances of developing the blood clot side-effect from the vaccine are extremely low – less than one in a million – "but if you get coronavirus, you can get lung damage, heart damage, neurological damage, strokes, seizures, Guillain-Barre syndrome, immune disorders, erectile dysfunction and, get this, also blood clots," Noah explained.
But "the US is still doing a really good job with its vaccine rollout", he added. "Which, you have to admit, is a little unexpected. I mean, given how America handled everything else about the pandemic, I wouldn't have been surprised if when vaccine time came around, America accidentally locked all 300m doses in the trunk of the car."
Kimmel, in costume as a doctor, then took audience questions submitted via Facebook about the implications of the pause. "First of all, out of 7 million people who received the J&J shot, only six people had the side-effect," he said to one who wondered if the J&J vaccine was still safe. "That means the odds are less than one in a million," or 0.0000009 – "more zeroes than in the whole Trump family", Kimmel joked.
Johnson & Johnson and the FDA also immediately identified the side-effects – "that's how closely they're monitoring this", Kimmel said, "and that should be very reassuring, because six out of seven million means getting the vaccine is safer than not getting the vaccine. You got it? Then get it."
Stephen Colbert Presses Taylor Swift to Reveal Who "Hey Stephen" Is About | Hollywood
Taylor Swift made an appearance on The Late Show on Tuesday night to set the record straight about who the Stephen is in her song "Hey Stephen" from her Fearless album, which is part of the songbook that is being re-recorded by the singer.
Colbert expressed the opinion that the song is about him and pressed Swift for confirmation. "I recorded that song in 2008, I think I was, like, 18," she said, dismissing the suggestion. "Right, and I was also a younger age," said the late night host. Swift then proceeded to tell him the exact age he was in that year: 44 years, 179 days old, give or take several hours.
"Like I said, I'm a big fan," the singer told Colbert. He then thanked her for sending a signed CD. "Oh, yeah, you know I signed it to you, Stephen with a PH, I sent it to the Colbert Report, 513 West 54th St, New York, 10019, second floor office facing the street."
Colbert pressed the singer again: "Are you sure 'Hey Stephen' isn't about me?" Swift replied, "It's just the power of music, Stephen. Good songs make you feel like it's about you." Speaking of getting back into the "right headspace" to authentically re-record the song, Swift brought out her old mood board, which consisted of pictures of Colbert.
Yet she continued to explain how the song was not written about him. "'Hey Stephen' is not about you any more than my album 1989 is about that year you spent waiting tables on the lunch shift at [an Italian restaurant] in the River North area of Chicago that, by the way, serves a really incredible slice of pizza." She pointed to a photo of pizza on her mood board.
At this point, Stephen demanded to know who the song is about. "If you really want to know who it's about, and that seems to be the case, I've never revealed this before to anyone, but 'Hey Stephen' is about Stephen King," Swift said.
As the two continued going back and forth, Swift explained what a real song about Stephen Colbert would look like. "It's too obvious to call it 'Hey Stephen' ... Songwriting is all about the details so you go, 'Hey Stephen, I love you on the TV, and all the stuff you did on the Daily Show and that time you were on Law & Order , you're 5'11, your middle name's Tyrone, social security number is 3 ... "After cutting her off as she called out numbers, Colbert exclaimed, "No matter how much you say that 'Hey Stephen' isn't about me, I keep getting the strong feeling that it is."
"That seems like a you thing, for you to sort of process. But the thing about that feeling that maybe you should address within yourself; I think it's something that you should process and then take the feeling that you're feeling and just 'Shake It Off.' Right? But that song, is about you."
As Swift's mobile phone begins to ring, she answers the call. "Oh, it's Stephen King. I have to go."
Stephen Colbert on Dwayne Johnson: We don't need another celebrity in the White House |
After Donald Trump, the Late Show host is a bit anxious about all this talk of President Johnson.
A new survey came out suggesting a large portion of Americans would welcome a Dwayne Johnson bid for president, and the Fast and Furious star said it would be his honor to serve . In comes Stephen Colbert to convince the actor not to run.
"Look, folks," CBS' late-night host said, changing his tone and emotion, "I love Dwayne 'Rock' the Johnson as much as the next middle-aged man who loves Fast Cars Go Zoom . But for the love of Ludacris, Dwayne! We don't need another celebrity in the White House!" Colbert shouted at the camera on Tuesday night's Late Show .
Of course, the other celebrity that was elected to the White House was Donald Trump , and then there was Ronald Reagan , who was an actor and president of the Screen Actors Guild before entering politics.
"Just 'cause people love something doesn't mean we should hand it the nuclear codes!" Colbert continued his comedic rant. "That's why we've never elected President Surprise Onion Ring in Your French Fries. Besides, we've already have a couple of Presidents Johnson. We'd have to call his administration 2 POTUS 2 Prez: Executive Drift ."
A poll from Piplsay stated 46 percent of the country would support President Dwayne Johnson. The WWE-wrestler-turned-Hollywood-star responded to that in a post on Instagram.
"Humbling," he wrote. "I don't think our Founding Fathers EVER envisioned a six-four, bald, tattooed, half-Black, half-Samoan, tequila drinking, pick up truck driving, fanny pack wearing guy joining their club — but if it ever happens it'd be my honor to serve you, the people."
Talk of Johnson as president goes way back, however, and it's mostly been fun talk. In 2016, he said he hasn't "ruled politics out."
"I'm not being coy when I say that, but at the moment I am not sure," Johnson told U.K. GQ . "I can't deny that the thought of being governor, the thought of being president, is alluring."
Stephen Colbert Explains How He's Been Quietly Trolling Trump Every Night For 5 Months |
"Late Show" host Stephen Colbert on Monday night came clean about something viewers have noticed: He hasn't said a certain name on the air since November. Specifically, the name of ex-President Donald Trump .
"I'm not trying to scrub him out," Colbert said. "It's just that legend has it, now that he's out of office, if you say his name three times, he appears in your bathroom mirror and then uses your toilet while complaining that it's low flush."
"Usually, I call him 'the former president' but that gives him dignity ― and me flashbacks," he said.
"I'm looking for a reliable substitute for his name," Colbert said. "Maybe I should just call him, y'know, 'Melania's husband,' or 'Jeff Epstein's dance partner' or something really insulting, like 'Don Jr.'s father.'"
I personally like Biden's term, "The Former Guy."
Can be abbreviated TFG.
Also can mean "That F***ing Guy." #TheFormerGuy #HeWhoShallBeNamed
Someone wrote something like "Trumplestiltskin" and it made me giggle! I vote for that or what about "Trump-demic"? @colbertlateshow #hewhoshallbenamed https://t.co/od1PPprCTB
@colbertlateshow #HeWhoShallBeNamed
I've been calling IT "IT" for 5 years. IT fits. pic.twitter.com/Xt1nzRlZgM
#HeWhoShallBeNamed This... As long as John or HBO has not trademarked it https://t.co/8zIZE8XkNC pic.twitter.com/S1mzuQGQNo
Stephen Colbert Confronts John Boehner for Blaming 'Both Sides'
But when Colbert pressed him to explain how his party went so far off the deep end, Boehner attempted to "both sides" Democrats and Republicans. He blamed the "right-wing media" that "wanted more noise," but then said, "The problem is not just on the far right, it's on the far left as well."
"I think the Republicans have gotten better at having a media arm that helps inflate their worst instincts than the Democrats do, but if both sides do that how come Nancy Pelosi can corral her crazies and you can't corral yours?"
Boehner admitted that Pelosi has "done a better job" of holding the Democrats together than the Republican leaders have, but then tried to say it was because Republicans are more "independent-minded" than Democrats.
By the time they got to the "speed round," in which Colbert asked for instant reactions to the most powerful politicians of the past two decades or so, Boehner was mostly generous. He called Mike Pence a "really good guy, solid Christian," would only say that Trump was a "little crazy," and nicknamed Mitch McConnell "Stealth Vader."
Boehner maintained that Graham is legitimately funny and also a "pretty good dancer" on the issues.
When it came to Cruz, however, he couldn't hold back. "Lucifer in the flesh," he said one more time with a smile, before adding, "The most miserable son of a bitch I ever had to deal with."
Stephen Colbert Explains Johnson & Johnson Vaccine Pause In Willy Wonka Terms | HuffPost
Stephen Colbert took his sweet time to quell vaccine hesitancy on Tuesday after U.S. health officials recommended pausing the use of Johnson & Johnson's COVID-19 shot because six recipients had experienced serious blood cots.
The "Late Show" host tried to put the odds of dangerous side effects into digestible terms by referencing a famous fictional chocolatier. ( Fast-forward to 2:30 in the clip below.)
Confectionary comparisons aside, vaccine reticence is a major issue. An NPR poll found that 1 in 4 Americans do not plan to get inoculated. This reluctance has led to some concerns that the country may not be able to achieve herd immunity, per NPR.
Is The Late Show with Stephen Colbert new tonight, April 12?
The Late Show with Stephen Colbert ( Photo: Scott Kowalchyk/CBS ©2019 CBS Broadcasting Inc. All Rights Reserved.)
It’s Monday and that means the chance to start things off with a brand new episode of The Late Show with Stephen Colbert . What should fans expect to see tonight on CBS?
It has been a crazy month and we’re not even two weeks into it. But April has provided The Late Show with a number of stories to cover including the Matt Gaetz scandal, boycotts following Georgia’s new voting laws , and more.
Thankfully, Stephen Colbert will be back to make sense of it all on Monday. There will be a brand new episode of The Late Show with Stephen Colbert tonight.
Colbert has demonstrated he’s fixated on the Gaetz story so don’t be surprised to get an update during the monologue. Then, it will be time for tonight’s guests.
The Late Show is starting off its week in a big way. Stephen Colbert will interview former Speaker of the House John Boehner.
Boehner was known for his clashes with President Barack Obama over government funding and healthcare among other issues. Now, the Republican has a new memoir, On the House: A Washington Memoir , detailing his career in Congress.
It will be interesting to see how Colbert approaches Boehner . Don’t expect the host to let his guest off the hook but should keep things comfortable enough to keep Boehner candid.
Tonight’s musical guest is Shelley FKA DRAM. He gained mainstream success with his 2016 song “Broccoli.” His newest album is Shelley FKA Dram featuring the single “Cooking with Grease.”
Stephen Colbert challenges you to rename disgraced former President Trump | Boing Boing
If you've been watching The Late Show with Stephen Colbert over the last few months you may have noticed that the late night host has refrained from saying the name "Trump" in any way. He has gone out of his way to use terms like "the former president" or "the 45th president" or even just "45", giving Trump the Voldemort treatment. Trump's so Voldemort-atrocious that even his name is unspeakable and saying it might unwittingly summon him from his ghoulish depths. Even Trump's name had been censored in graphics and print on Colbert's show using asterisk's, like this: President T***p.
"After the whole January 6 thing — no, even before that. It was after November 6 when he did that whole 'I won' thing, I planned not to say the guy's name again. I think I've paid my dues in that regard, but now that the buzzkills over at the AP have mentioned it, it's no fun anymore. Besides, it's really hard coming up with synonyms for this douche nozzle's name," said Mr. Colbert. This is where YOU come in.
Colbert then appealed to his audience to help him find a more suitable name for Trump, like "Melania's husband," until, he hopes, he can start referring to him as "the defendant." He encouraged viewers to tweet their suggestions at him and vowed to use the most appropriate ones on the show.
What should we call the former president when there's a story about him? Tweet us with the hashtag #HeWhoShallBeNamed pic.twitter.com/WvMkb8C3Fa
Ashley McBryde will debut "Sparrow" during her first-ever 'Stephen Colbert' appearance this week
Being away from family and friends so much is a hard price to pay for success, the singer admitted to the Tennesseean last year.
She explained, "What nobody warned me about was that I'd be sitting in a plane, having been alone for weeks, just getting on planes and visiting radio stations...I thought, 'Man, I'm higher, success-wise, than I've ever been, and I'm the loneliest I have ever been.'"
Ashley continued, "It's a trade, and thank God nobody warns you, because you might not do it if they told you what the trade-off is."
Ashley's Colbert stop comes just two days before the 2021 ACM Awards, where she'll be performing her current single, "Martha Divine." She's also nominated for three trophies that night, including Album of the Year for Never Will .
Molly Parden Makes Debut on "The Late Show with Stephen Colbert" | Grateful Web
"Just when you thought you didn't need another pensive singer-songwriter, here comes Molly Parden to gently devastate you. Parden's Rosemary EP positions her amongst a constellation of young Southern balladeers like Natalie Prass, Julien Baker, and Faye Webster. Her gorgeous arrangements have a dreamy quality."
"Molly Parden, a longtime favorite of the NPR pop critic [Ann Powers.] The breakup songs on Parden's new EP are melancholy, but there is a 'dreaminess' to it."
"Exquisite, glowingly nostalgic...it feels like an effortless, timeless-but-unmistakably-modern union of swooning R&B, heartfelt indie-folk, and twinkling, string-laden classic pop."
"Rosemary is a collection of delicate songs that illumines the stark fragility of loss and its persistent, unlikely beauty...the album feels so vulnerable that it draws an empathetic engagement with the listener, leaving us sensing the deep pain that produced it. Yet still, the songs throughout Rosemary encircle us with the warmth of Parden's diaphanous voice."
"From the lilting orchestration to Parden's intimate vocals (which could be mapped somewhere on a compass rose of Weyes Blood, Bedouine and Angel Olsen), Rosemary ambles through its 6 songs at the same confident, unhurried pace as an early morning walk through the woods. Like so many of us these days, it feels vaguely unstuck from time, and yet, firmly rooted in the present moment."
Since the November release of Rosemary, Parden has dropped a compilation of remixes titled RSMRY RMXS and is featured on The Brook & The Bluff's new single, " Wallflower ."
Progressive jam giants Umphrey's McGee's return to Las Vegas for the seventh installment of the massively popular UMBowl production was marked once again by a stand-out tour closing dual evening extravaganza where all stops were pulled out and the power given directly to the fans, for better or for worse.
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